Afraid of the Ordinary

Ordinary

I had a conversation the other day with a co-worker about her son’s upcoming wedding. She said something that struck me, she said “the bride to be kept saying how it was all so surreal” Surreal. Out of the ordinary, dream like, over romanticized, SUSCEPTIBLE TO DEFEAT. What happens when I live in the surreal? What happens when trading is in the surreal? It can be popped, like a dream bubble in a cartoon and there is a harsh snap back to reality. If I want to live in the surreal as a trader, I open myself up to defeat. What happens when a trade goes wrong, can I handle the REAL? If I trade in the surreal, reality will be very, very painful.

What if I was just able to take trading to the realm of ORDINARY? 

Lacoco and I had a cigar the other day and we talked about what it meant to “be a trader”. If you could hear me right now, I am kind of coughing and saying “bulls*$# at the same time because what does it mean?? Is it a romanticized version of a J.O.B? Do I think its any different than selling cars or owning a cleaning business? If I truly do, then I am in the surreal and I am toast. In fact, I can name ten better ways to make money with out taking a breath. I have actually come to the point where I loathe trading. I have lived with trading as this goal, this want, this blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah place for so long. I hate trading. I want a job!!! Isn’t that funny, I leave my business to pursue this trading thing and in the end, I just want a job. So how do I start to make trading a job and not a fantasy?

I always divert back to the best trader I know. Matt says he is not a trader, he uses trading to make money. To be a trader is surreal, fast cars, stacks of cash, unneeded freedom. But Matt Lacoco is an ordinary guy who just beats the market. He needs no fanfare or pats on the back to just go make money from the markets. He just does his job and lets the extraordinary or the surreal come from somewhere else in his life.

I need to take my trading to the realm of the ordinary where wins do not increase the euphoria of the surreal and the losses do not sting with more reality than one should handle. 

I am going to bare my soul here for a second so please bear with me. For the first time in my life, I want to chase ordinary. I have run so hard and so fast from being “ordinary” to try and be somebody, be a “trader” be this, be that. I am more afraid of being unsuccessful than willing to just be cool with being poor trader who, through patience and perseverance, gets better with time. That is me being controlled by the ego. I am done running because the funny thing is, the farther I try to run, the closer I get to being less than ordinary.

I give up. In the best, most meaningful way possible, I GIVE UP.

See you tomorrow. I know today something good will happen if I allow it to…

TradingLife:GivinguptheSurreal

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2 thoughts on “Afraid of the Ordinary

  1. I’m enjoying your Trading Experiment posts, Shonn. I agree whole-heartedly with so much you’ve said. My job ended (by choice) on June 30. We have some savings–but who wants to spend hard-earned savings on the mortgage and car payment? The time has arrived for push to come to shove. I don’t want to fail either. I’m not consistent with my trading. , but I can’t help wondering if I’d be far more consistent if I believed in myself consistently–or if my trading just needs more time and experience which, unfortunately, can not be rushed. Trading has been a long-held dream for me, too, so when I sit down to look at charts and attempt to trade, I’m working on my ‘dream.’ It has at times like I needed to pinch myself… you mean I’m getting to do this?! I guess what we need to work on is making it feel very real and job-like. Our mutual friend, April, suggested to me that I develop a schedule since my job just ended. I believe that will help. I thought I had one, but I realize that it hasn’t been as ‘disciplined’ with hours set in stone like my previous jobs have been. Hang in there, Shonn! This trading j-o-b is worth pursuing. We both know it.

    1. Lisa this is fantastic. Please keep me up to date on how your journey is going from now on. I love to hear when people make it!
      Shonn

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