I was in the middle of my first 100 trade pictures and that still small voice inside of me was saying, this is good, but you are still just a little off course. I have learned to listen to that voice a little more these days. I thought the picture above represented my problem very well. Perfectionism. It’s not discipline, its obsessive. It’s like this type A have to be right and have everything in my life turn out the way I want it to. It’s like being an adult spoiled brat! Seriously I’m not proud of it but it’s kind of true. I am an only child… and it shows.
IS THIS HOW I AM TRADING?? MORE IMPORTANTLY, IS THIS HOW I AM LIVING??
What am I actually looking for from these pictures? Am I trying to prove that I can see a lot of cool things in the past? can i draw lines where they are supposed to be after the fact? What am I really trying to accomplish? Do I need a chart to react perfectly? Do I need my wife and kids to react perfectly? Why do I expect so much perfection out of a world that I give mostly imperfection back to? I am taking perfection to my trading. I want tight stops so that the trade can be perfect. I want unlimited account appreciation because then it never has to be imperfect. What a sad way to live! Life, like trading will always be imperfect. Accept it. Embrace Richard Parker! If life were perfect Pi would have been trapped with I don’t know a dog or something nice. Embrace the imperfect! Nurture it because that is where greatness lives.
I want to define my set up, my process, and THEN take 1800 pictures of that set up so that I can have new visual keys for that set up. I know that when I built Bombora I watched thousands of trades. I know what the chart looks like. I can’t predict price but if you told me sit and trade it today, I would know what it “looks like”.
I can not start out with the only acceptable end being perfection, in trading or in life. It’s ok to lose, it’s not ok to quit. Life and trading are parallels, mirrors of sorts.
If I let go of perfection then the markets can act like they want to and my kids can too and on and on and on. Put it down! I am going to get hit by life or the market, don’t expect anything else! Life is going to be difficult sometimes. Don’t control, allow… I want to allow those around me to be themselves without me having to have my way. I want the markets to do what they do because if they went in a straight line, it wouldn’t be a challenge and everyone can conquer an easy game.
If you look on yesterdays post there is a comment from Cameron. Its says” I am enjoying your posts! Although enjoying you struggle with your own truths is probably not the right thing to say!” That’s what this blog really is. He nailed it. I am struggling with my truths, and I am doing it in plain view if anyone who will watch. It was just trading that brought me here. And that is why it is hard to deal with charts right now and post trades and blah blah blah. There is so much more to life. I want to breath it in finally. Trading does not bring life. If I was the perfect trader tomorrow and had a billion dollars and and and DOES IT SOLVE THE PROBLEM?? NOOOOOO. Something else will always be imperfect and I will waste my life chasing the divine, when the divine exists with me today in my wife’s eyes and my kids hugs, good friends, a great cigar, golden leaves on an aspen tree in the fall, and a nice glass of wine.
Life is a redemption story not a perfection story.
I have unknowingly wanted this blog to be my path to perfection. “Can I use this forum to make the changes I couldn’t make before and enter the realm of the idealized, the perfect, the surreal?” “Can I come out on the other side perfect? Knowing how to make money and be dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnn a trader!….” crickets and snoring… who really gives a damn. Trading is so simple! It’s simply direction. I will allow it to be that.
There is this weight and stress lifting off my shoulders as I write this. I may be carrying on a bit but it is bringing freedom, and I am going to allow it.
If I had not set out to do those pictures, I would not be here. I wouldn’t recognize what is holding me back. I am still going to do 1800 pics, now I know what I am doing though and I will just have to put in some work over the weekend.