Trading Experiment Day 31: What do you Want? And What Holds you Back?

One of my favorite movies as a kid was “The Never Ending Story”. I loved the adventure, the heroism, the coming through against all odds, and the idea of a journey that has a purpose bigger than ourselves.

So at 4:30 am today, that movie pops in my head out of no where. Quick background on the movie before I show this clip. A dark force called simply “the nothing” is sweeping through this fantasy world that the boy is reading about in this book. This scene is when the boy realizes that he has a part to play, actually not just a part, he IS the main character of this story and it is requiring him to take action. Take a look.

I can’t follow through on what I know to be true, I have to keep my feet on the ground

Our lives are a sort of  fantasy land. All things are possible

The “nothing” sweeps through them while we wait to actually make the decision about which way to go

And all we have to do is make the decision and say it, shout it out, own it entirely.

I have not been able to do that. I make quiet decisions and try not to let anyone know until they are done and successful. I have never owned anything. But this is my story. I am in charge of the narrative. I get to plant the seeds, I get to make the decisions on what grows and dies. Even sitting here writing this today, I still can’t tell you as friends whom I have shared so much with, what I want. My dominant thoughts are holding me back and the decision to turn pro is an illusive trophy in times like these.

As I sat last night contemplating my specific decisions that I want to make, it’s nothing short of all out war in my head. But who is the enemy? Why is there this stupid amount of resistance to this decision? I am afraid of trading for a living and making my stand there because simply, I am unsure I can do it. There it is. That’s my dominant thought. I have owned my own business, I am not afraid of risk, but I guess I am simply fearful of something I have yet to conquer.

UNFULFILLED PEOPLE SEEM TO RELY EXTERNAL ACCOUNTABILITY AND RECOGNITION, THE FULFILLED PHYSICALLY CAN NOT LET THEMSELVES DOWN, EVEN FOR A MOMENT, BECAUSE IT WOULD MEAN THEY STOPPED CHASING THEIR HIGHEST VISION FOR THEIR LIFE

So can I put the goodness that comes from a successful career as a trader as the highest vision for my life? And just own the crap out of it? And stand on a mountain and say regardless of the results up to this point, I need to come through here. I can stand here and be the best trader in my world. The dominant thought has to change to “oh hell ya, I can totally make this happen…”

I am the main character of my story, I have to get up off the floor where I am reading about my story and realize that if I want to trade for a living, I have to make that decision. And along with the decision, realistic, attainable, progressive goals.

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3 thoughts on “Trading Experiment Day 31: What do you Want? And What Holds you Back?

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