Ever make the decision to start trading the system you have been developing, whether robot or discretionary, and it doesn’t start off as smoothly as you would want it to?
Ya. That’s me this week. It’s almost like its a trading law. “Though shalt get your face ripped off on the first week you start any system” -God-
Its just another form of resistance, our deepest and strongest enemy standing in the way of where we want to be. The back testing is done. The system will produce pips. But the day you decide to turn it all on is the day that all the normal stop outs happen. Maybe its because I require too much confirmation? I want to watch it work on the practice account and then when it does, oh ya baby lets roll! And then the market flattens out exactly like it will every time, and the trades that worked on the practice account don’t exist any more and all you can see is red.
I have found myself here two times in the last couple of years. Push forward and then hit this wall and then get immediately discouraged and tell myself “self, time to go back to the drawing board, you were wrong.” When that isn’t the case at all!
This all came into focus at hockey last Sunday. It just so happened that the best defense man on the opposing team was playing over my side every time I was on the ice. I held my own but I wasn’t able to razzle dazzle the way I normally would. (ok razzle dazzle might be an over statement. Stay on my skates is probably a more accurate representation…) Anyway, half way through the game I found myself getting a little frustrated and found myself whining in my head “i can’t make my play” “why does he always have to play tight on me and nobody else?”
The amateur little boy in me was starting to stir again.
And then it hit me right there on the bench, this is the reaction that stops me from trading. So I forced myself to think a little bit different about the situation:
1. Enjoy the competition- getting by easily every time does nothing to make me a better hockey player, just as winning every trade would do nothing but make me a cocky trader that is destined to fall
2. Do whats easy- pass the puck more, go to the bench, play better defense instead of always trying to push everything up the ice so hard
And the real epiphany of the story is: It is exactly what has been holding me back in trading…
Every time I have put my systems to work be it starting robots or pushing buttons, I have run into the best hockey player in the ice, that great resistance to my success that causes me to shrink back and question all of the work I have put in. I hit the wall immediately and I back down. I have had the courage to create, but not the courage to push through. So now it’s time to fight through. It’s not a believe thing, belief can be shattered. It’s not that it needs to be proven out, that’s done. It’s just the moment when I just trade it. I make the trade and then sit on my hands until it hits stop or PT. I realize that it’s boring and unfulfilling so loses hurt less and wins mean nothing more than a notch against resistance. I have to push through all the old with no guarantee of success other than I know that if I stop, I definitely lose. Its that moment when your running, and your legs burn, and you have to ignore the pain and just keep running, whether you win the race or not because ultimately, the win is simply beating the resistance.