I woke up feeling kind of blah today. I had a bunch of stuff “I had to do” this weekend and I am just tired…
So I get to work today and throw on a youtube video for some music to listen to and a trailer for a movie came up as one of those annoying ads before I get to listen to what I clicked on in the first place. Well, normally in my bad mood I would click the skip button immediately, but this caught my attention. Watch…
This…. is…. me…. What do we see when we look at that internal image of ourselves? This guy was going through the motions. Day dreaming. Fantasizing about not just a certain kind of life, JUST ABOUT LIFE ITSELF! If you look carefully as he is running by the big posters, the title of his is “The Making of a Brave Man”. And the visual intensity of running by the snapshots of others who we would determine as having a “life” was absolutely stunning to me. The making of a brave man… I could talk for hours on the concept of what it takes to illicit bravery from a person, but what I would say would be completely academic.. Bravery is only found when very raw, real risk is in play. To make a brave person, we have to beckon to a calling to do something that is out of our comfort zone, something that requires something of us we didn’t think we had.
I ended up watching this movie trailer like 5 times for some stupid reason. Adventure. What is adventure? Break out of the old boring normal. Find something to do that is dangerous, exciting, inspires hope and optimism, but at the same time has an element of fear and danger and we have to “risk something to gain something”. My friend @lavertrade came up with all of those words for adventure and they were perfect. Where does this longing for adventure come from? And how did I get trapped in the life of a man who wants some form of “safe” adventure?
See this led me down the same road that I have walked many times in the past 39 days: what are my motivations for trading? I picture myself several years ago jumping into all of this with both feet, kind of like he runs out and jumps on that helicopter and has that look of total fear, yet total excitement. Like he knows that what he just did was completely against all the protocol he has set up for his life and now he has somehow committed to a life of uncertainty, again, NEEDING somehow, to make peace with the imperfect. But here is the thing: I didn’t really jump on that helicopter. I now have the secret life of Shonn Campbell as a trader where, when adventure was no where to be found, trading was the counterfeit adventure that was so easily obtained. Counterfeit adventure: something that feels, smells, tastes and acts like the real thing, but is a fake. Trading is a fake adventure for me.
I wanted to become a trader for the adventure, not because I wanted a new job.
And I have held on to trading as the pinnacle of the adventurous pursuit.
And now, finally, it’s over…
I am not saying that I will stop pursing mastery of the craft of the advanced retail currency trader, but it will no longer be an adventure, an open loop game, or “the end game of what I am going to do”. I am saying that this experiment took me from the fringes to the core, and now things can really be different. I am free to go find the real deal, not the bigger, better deal. (again, thanks @lavertrade)
On the next to last day, when I thought I would summarize the narrative of this entire process, I had the greatest next to final post I could imagine.
I am going to go find a new, real adventure. One with heroes and heroines. One with battles that bring victories and defeats. Trading is like that, but different… And I believe that when I find my real adventure, trading will naturally fall into it’s proper place.